To any male readers, I apologize in advance. This post is entirely "female" in nature, if you get my drift. Daddy, if a small miracle has occurred and you are actually reading the blog today, I promise you that you want to STOP reading right now. Forewarned is forearmed.
Today, I had my first mammogram. Today, I also found out what it feels like to be a panini. You know those yummy sandwiches at Panera? They stuff them full with tomato and mozzarella (my personal favorite) or other yummy things and then use some fancy machine to smoosh them within an inch of their little triangle-shaped lives and serve them to you with a side of chips and a pickle. I had the exact same experience today. Except that I wasn't filled with tomato and mozzarella. Although that may have made the experience more.....ummmm......palatable??!
Those of you women who have ever experienced a mammogram or even a gynecology appointment know that although your actual appointment may be at 11:30, the appointment preparation begins about two hours before you leave the house. And that's how my day began as well. I shaved my legs for the first time in........a while.
(This turned out to be a HUGE waste of time as I didn't actually have to remove my jeans for the mammo.) Then I chose my best pair of free Victoria's Secret undies in white, pink, tan, or black (because those are the only colors that are free). This also turned out to be a waste of time as I didn't have to remove my jeans so no one saw my free underwear. Choosing my "best bra" was more of a chore. Pretty unmentionables are not something that I spend money on--as you probably figured out by the frequent mention of my FREE underwear. Again, a waste of time because my "best bra" spent the entire mammogram folded neatly under my shirt in Locker #8.
As I got dressed, I was acutely aware of the fact that I could not apply deodorant or anything of the sort. Now, how my Lady Speed Stick can get in the way of showing a potential mass in my breast I will never understand, but I'm a rule follower, so I followed the rules. And, just to be sure, I didn't apply any lotion, perfume, or even mascara. Because, you just never know......
I arrived and checked in at the radiology center without incident. Miraculously, I only waited about five minutes before I was called back. Interestingly, the nurse called my name
(pronounced incorrectly of course) and one other lady's name at the same time. Then she walked us back to the changing rooms together and gave us the "speech" together. You know the one about how the shirt has to tie in the front and how there are "mammo wipes" for those people who didn't follow the rules and used deodorant.
(Yes--there really ARE mammo wipes! Why didn't I think of that??) I was beginning to think that Obama's universal healthcare had kicked in already and they were doing "group mammograms" when she sent us to separate dressing rooms and I was mercifully alone!
Shortly, a sweet lady in very stylish black and tan scrubs mispronounced my name again and I was ushered into "Mammography Room C". As I answered the same questions yet again
(how many people do I have to tell before they believe that I am NOT pregnant?!), she clicked away on the computer and chatted happily, like we both didn't know what was coming!
Things began to look up when I stood up for the test and she needed to change the "squisher" for a bigger size!! That's the first time in my life that anything involving my "chest" needed to be made larger. But that was the end of the good part. It was all downhill from there.
If I had to describe the mammogram in one word, it would be "embarrassing". How those nurses do that all day long every day is beyond me! And, of course, because I was nervous I made stupid jokes, like asking the technician if she dreamed about breasts at night because she looked at them all day?? Where the heck did that come from?
Then she poked, prodded, pulled, and generally manhandled me for the next 20 minutes. Of course, the fact that I nursed four children, one for a year and three others for 18 months each, made her job a little bit easier. Wet sand in the bottom of a dirty sock is pretty "stretchy", you know?!! And, to add to my indignity, "Climb Every Mountain" was playing through the stereo system. The last thing on my mind at that moment was "following every rainbow until I found my dream"!!! My dream at that moment was just to be done!
Finally, it was over. I returned to the dressing room, relieved Locker #8 of its storage duties, used a bit of the horribly scented deodorant that they so generously provided, and went to Target! You know---that's the cure for every ill! On second thought, maybe I should have gone to Panera and gotten a panini instead!
I posted about this dessert on Facebook and several people asked for the recipe so here you go!! I aim to please, you know, but I feel I must warn any Maryland readers: you better never bring this to a function/event in October/
To any male readers, I apologize in advance. This post is entirely "female" in nature, if you get my drift. Daddy, if a small miracle has occurred and you are actually reading the blog today, I promise you that you want to STOP reading right now. Forewarned is forearmed.
The whole sentence reads "We give you three chances to figure out
A vote for Obama is not just for Barack Obama himself, but the people whom he would place in positions of authority, most importantly, his appointments to the Supreme Court. At the time of the election five of the Supreme Court justices will be at least 70 years of age, and Justice John Paul Stevens is a ripe old 88! Therefore, it is highly likely that the next President will appoint multiple justices to the Supreme Court.
The 2008 Democratic Platform states that the party “strongly and unequivocally supports Roe v. Wade and a woman's right to choose a safe and legal abortion, regardless of ability to pay” (emphasis added). In other words, if a woman can’t afford an abortion, Democrats plan to force taxpayers to pick up the tab. Obama voted against legislation in the Illinois State Senate that prohibited taxpayer dollars from being used to pay for abortion and believes that Medicaid should cover abortions.[5] Obama would also continue giving hundreds of millions of federal funds each year to Planned Parenthood, the nation’s largest provider of abortions, as evidenced by his votes against cutting off funding for the agency as a Senator.
residents who come to the state seeking a marriage license. Not only does this give legal blessing to what Christianity has always deemed as disordered and immoral, but it has important ramifications for the rest of society too. Same-sex "marriage" by law affects business laws, threatens the tax-exempt status of churches, and shapes what is taught in schools.[7] For instance, in California, a state “tolerance” initiative now requires schools to promote a positive view of homosexuality, bisexuality, and transsexuality in the classroom.[8] Educational organizations are legally barred from receiving any state funding unless they conform to the state’s policy against the traditional family, and public schools could even be required to allow boys to use girls restrooms and locker rooms, and vice versa, if they choose. Given Obama’s stated liberal views and radical pro-gay agenda[9], it is entirely reasonable to conclude that Obama will appoint judges on the Supreme Court with similar judicial philosophies to those on the State Supreme Court in California, thus resulting in similar rulings at the federal level for the entire United States. 
same-sex “marriages” contracted in other states as they ordinarily would be required to do under the Full Faith and Credit Clause of the Constitution. If this is overturned, then states no longer have the strength of federal law behind them if they choose to maintain the traditional definition of marriage, and could end up being required by courts to accept same-sex “marriages” contracted in other states. Obama’s website states that he “believes we need to fully repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and enact legislation that would ensure that the 1,100+ federal legal rights and benefits currently provided on the basis of marital status are extended to same-sex couples in civil unions and other legally-recognized unions.”[10]
