THE dress

It's official: I am the mother of the bride. And, while I haven't read much about proper wedding etiquette, I'm pretty sure that burlap sack, circus tent, and birthday suit aren't acceptable mother of the bride attire!

Oh the dilemma! So far, I've looked at hundreds nay, thousands, of possibilities. I've actually ordered and returned two, and one is on the way as I write. And, I'm quite certain that even if, by some miracle, I happen to land on the "perfect" dress tomorrow, I will keep looking until the last possible minute, just in case something better comes along.

In my searching, I've found that this whole "mother of the bride" thing is a strange subculture, teeming with styles and options and opinions galore! I've also found that if you're looking (as I am) for something in between matronly and slutty, your options are limited, at best.

For example, who relishes gazing at those wedding pictures years later and thinking "I look like I should be on the Thankgiving table under the turkey platter."  Yikes!

And then there's the dress for those who want to look like they are swooning over Heathcliff on the Yorkshire moors of Wuthering Heights fame. Or those who just want the "girls" (and I'm not talking about the bridesmaids!) on display at their daughter's wedding! Yikes!

And let's not overlook the ever-popular "matronly" styles.  These seem to be most popular, hence, they are EVERY. WHERE. You don't have to look very far if this is what you're after.  I don't mean to offend anyone whose mother (or grandmother) may have worn these styles; it's just not what I'm looking for.

The.......ahem.......how shall I say it...... "less matronly" mother of the bride has lots to choose from too.

Some mothers of the bride apparently think breathing is overrated. I, however, plan to breath all day and even into the evening. So, this look won't work either.

And, while I know Brooke will be beautiful and the wedding will be lovely, it definitely won't be William and Kate's wedding. Therefore, this is out of the question.

The wedding is outdoors in early August in Maryland. Cold weather shouldn't be an issue. But just in case I do get a chill, perhaps, I could have one of these at the ready. 

If I want to channel Carol Brady, this is always an option.

Donna Reed or Harriet Nelson would be pleased to see me in this little number.

Finally, if I just can't decide on a color, I can always go with this.  I'll call it "spumoni".  It would, however, cover a multitude of sins (never mind the sin of actually wearing it in the first place!).

{Can you blame the poor woman for closing her eyes? Yikes!}

And so my search continues. I'm thankful God cares about even the "little things". I think I'll add that elusive mother of the bride dress to my prayer list.


Sandy said...

This post made me laugh. These dresses are ridiculous. I can't believe that anyone would wear the last dress that you posted. I am sure that you will look beautiful. Have fun in the planning.

Goosegirl said...

This was hilarious! I can't wat to see what you pick.

Karen in Florida said...

Jen, in the same boat here so keep me posted on what you decide. Our wedding is June 16 so I guess I better hurry. I did decide to go long in keeping with everything else, but I'm not good on ordering without trying it on... Keep me posted! Thanks for the smile. We'll have to share thoughts sometime.
Karen in FL

Rebekah Sanders said...

I can beat them all. My mother-in-law wore WHITE to our wedding. She was in her 50's. With this heart cut out thing on her chest - with the bottom of the heart nestled in her cleavage. I could not believe it. I threaten my kids all the time with getting a similar dress to wear when they get married.

Anonymous said...

Yes Jen. Good luck with that. I looked and gave up twice. Then for Erik's I made my own dress and Katie's I did a little of both. So have fun. Plus my other dilemma was I wasn't willing to spend four hundred dollars on a dress.

Carla said...

HILARIOUS! I love that you'll continue to look, just in case something better comes along... I shop that way, too. I'm indecisive and cheap! I hate forking over money on something I don't LOVE. Another manifestation of perfectionism perhaps?! :P

I'm Kristen said...

Hahaha this post cracked me up. Poor moms-of-the-bride. It's a tough tough world out there. Press on soldier! And I hope you find something beautiful ;)

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This post made me laugh.


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