Foot-bawl

I enjoy football. I always have. Really, if you know my family, I didn't have a choice. I probably enjoy it because I understand it, thanks to my dad's patience in answering MANY questions and explaining it to me, and I enjoy watching a game, especially with good friends and good snacks! Heck, when Jeff and I were first married and very poor with no cable, Monday night football was the highlight of our week! However, I have come to the conclusion that the emphasis on football, not just during the season but all year long, is, in a word, ridiculous.

One of Jeff's favorite channels is the NFL Network. Now, really, the football "season"--and I'm talking about actual games that count for the record--lasts from early September through mid-January. Sounds like a pretty good gig to me. These sportscasters work for four and a half months, with the next five and a half months off. Right???? OH NO!!! Once the regular season is over, there is endless coverage of the SuperBowl, the NFL draft (yawn!), and then, of course, all the negotiating and trading draft picks, etc., and then training camps and preseason games. Oh, and toss in a few head coach hirings and firings (which, incidentally, never makes any sense to me. I mean if he was bad enough to get fired from one team, why in the world would a change in geography suddenly make him a good coach??), and you've got year-round NFL. What more could you ask for??

This year, of course, the off-season has been even more exciting because of Brett Favre's indecision about his retirement. Will he or won't he? Grown men are holding their breath waiting for him to decide! And, don't forget Ben Roethlisberger (affectionately called "Worthlessberger" in our house) and the motorcycle helmet debacle. They are STILL talking about how that accident, months ago, will affect his play this fall! Good grief!! If you ask me, any guy who is dumb enough to ride a motorcycle without a helmet probably didn't have much in his head worth protecting in the first place!

And then there's always the excitement of the NFL "ne'er-do-wells", who manage to beat up their girlfriends, kill their chauffeurs, or impregnate four different women and skip out on child support. I think they could have an entire reality show entitled "America's Most Wanted NFL Stars"! Oh, and what's up with all the female sideline reporters? I thought football was "guy time" when they could scratch where it itched and burp to their hearts' content. Now I wonder if they all aren't watching for the sexy sideline gals with the pearly white teeth and perfect skin.

A few mornings ago as Jeff and I were preparing for the day, I listened briefly to the chatter on the TV--it was the NFL Network, of course. Do you realize from how many directions those "analysts" can analyze a sprained ankle or a torn hamstring or a pulled groin, for heaven's sake. I mean, I have to wonder how these guys truly feel about having all their body parts "analyzed" on television?? Is a pulled groin really THAT interesting to the rest of the world??

All this leaves me wondering: how did football fans survive before 24/7 sports coverage, instant replay, and illegal end zone celebrations? Surely the daily sports page and evening news weren't enough to satisfy the endless hunger for all-things football? Now there is so much other junk out there, you can hardly just enjoy the game any more. What's next?? In-depth analysis of the new officials' uniforms?? Oh right, they already did that.........