Idiot Sightings.....

Be careful---they walk among us. And they reproduce!

*We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time--a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since.

*I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. His reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS

*My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. He was a Chef? Yep...from Kansas City.

*I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge ?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." This happened in Birmingham, Alabama.

*The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it was to signal blind people when the light turned red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, Kansas.

*We were having a luncheon for an old and dear coworker; she was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the- headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

*I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. She was a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

*When my husband and I arrived at the automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi.