2.29.2008

More Thievery...

I'm sure you've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. Well, my thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My rear end was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new rear was attached at least three inches lower than my original! Sadly, I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

As if that wasn't enough, two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning when I was doing my hair, I was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - parts stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! I jumped out of bed and was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband, just to be on the safe side.

(Author unknown)

3 comments:

steph said...

BWAHAHAHAH!

Kathi said...

Hey Jen,
I'm glad I got to chat with you yesterday. I just read your last two entries and had to laugh. Thank you. I needed that.

A couple of years ago, Blaine stole a matchbox car FROM CHURCH. And even worse than that, he convinced his buddy Cole S., that he should also take one. Of course, we made him march into the classroom and return it and apologize right away. You've gotta love kids. They keep those 'teaching moments' coming don't they?

Yarnin_Mama said...

he he