8.29.2006

Jack Bauer for President........

Ok, I admit it. I kicked and screamed against this show for three years. I flat-out refused to get hooked. But Jeff finally convinced me (that and I figured if he was going to share every minute of every show with me anyway, I might as well just watch!) and now I'm addicted too! Jack Bauer is a hero in our house. And we have many friends who love the show too! We even have friends who have a dog named "Bauer"! So.......all you "24" fans out there, enjoy!!


1. If Jack Bauer were in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with two bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
2. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
3. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
4. Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Jack Bauer.
5. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
6. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
7. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's freakin beef.
8. Let's get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
9. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
10. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer--sounds like a fair fight.
11. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for a truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive..
12. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death among Middle Eastern men.
13. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you, it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
14. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish HIS vegetables.
15. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead; it just makes him angry.
16. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red.
17. Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal.
18. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
19. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
20. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
21. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30 a.m.
22. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
23. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
24. Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the CIA's fifth most wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
25. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
26. If you spell "Jack Bauer" in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.
27. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
28. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life there.
29. Jack Bauer literally died for his country and lived to tell about it.
30. People with amnesia remember Jack Bauer.
31. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm screwed."
32. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."
33. Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
34. What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question: Jack Bauer does not bleed.
35. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
36. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
37. If O.J. ever met Jack Bauer, he'd confess.
38. Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
39. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
40. Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
41. Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.

3 comments:

Adam said...

Everything he knows he learned from Edgar.

Tamera said...

My Jeff joins your Jeff. I'm still not able to watch a full episode - bed time for kiddos - and if I want time to talk to them, that's when it happens =)

U.N. Mama said...

Oh! I am sooo with you here. I was just saying to my husband earlier tonight how glad I'll be when 24 comes back on! Hard to wait on the new season.