- New Jersey--armpit of the nation, hands down, no contest.
- Texas--I do have some dear friends there, but I have to choose this out of loyalty to the University of Oklahoma Sooners and my dear daddy.
- California--too many liberals.
- New Jersey--because the Jets and the Giants play there.
- Arizona--because it's too freakin' hot there and it already has a big hole in it anyway.
- Rhode Island--does anyone really live in Rhode Island? Do they even have a downtown?