Confession time again. Or maybe this will be a revelation for some of you, I don't know. Either way, I just wanted you to know that you're officially off the hook. You are in the clear, because, you see, "it's" all MY fault. It doesn't matter what "it" is; just that it's all my fault. Apparently, all that is wrong, unfair, unjust, and/or ugly in this world is MY fault. And I'm here to take the blame. Publicly.
Certain dirty clothes don't magically put themselves in the dirty laundry and aren't ready for wearing on Monday morning. That's my fault.
Certain desired snacks have mysteriously disappeared in the mere two days since they entered the home. Consequently, there's NOTHING to eat. That's my fault.
Certain medication needed for irritating skin rash has been sucked into the vortex of sweet teenager's room and cannot be located. That's my fault.
Certain beloved toys were left out in the rain because *I* failed to put them away after playing with them yesterday. Now they're wet and probably ruined. That's my fault.
Certain homework assignments have been forgotten until 9:00 the evening before they are due. How will they get completed now? That's my fault.
Certain video games have been treated improperly and are now scratched beyond repair. That's my fault too.
Certain necessary items have been left behind at a friend's home after a sleepover. Now we don't have them when we need them. Yep, you guessed it. My fault.
Certain library books have suddenly grown legs and walked away, never to be found again. My fault again.
Certain children don't like the meal that has been lovingly prepared for them. I'm not a short-order cook and, of course, that's my fault.
Certain phone calls and text messages come in "after-hours" so the phone must once again reside in my bedroom overnight. All my fault.
And since I'm on a roll here, I am willing to take the blame for global warming, communism, famine, drought, floods, and snakes. Not to mention brussel sprouts, high gas prices, and the always-unfair seasonal allergies. Go ahead, lay it on me. Whatever you don't like, can't stand, hate, or think is unfair, you can blame it on me.
You see, I am the meanest mom of them all. We have certain rules in our house, and our sweet children are expected to abide by them. Oh, the inhumanity!!! How dare I expect them to actually put their dirty clothes down the laundry chute or eat the meal I've prepared for them? How dare I have the audacity to require them to put their toys away or pack their own lunches or clean their own rooms? And don't I realize that household chores and strict bedtimes are outright child abuse? Just one hour a day of computer or television or video games? Don't I know that's the highest of injustices?
Yep, I will gladly take the blame for loving my kids too much. And someday, when it's all THEIR fault, I know they'll understand.