10.06.2008

Not I Monday........


I'm sorry but I can't stand the bad grammar. I have to go with "Not I." Anyway, once again, it was a pretty boring, uneventful week in the life of Jen. That's why I'm happy to say that none of these things happened to me this week. Not I. No way.

I did not thoroughly enjoy hiding Michelle Obama's book, Alec Baldwin's book, and Nancy Pelosi's book while we were browsing at Borders the other night. That would mean I'm childish and petty. Why in the world would I do that?

I did NOT heartily approve when Payton's school uniform pants zipper was broken and he just wanted to wear the pants anyway and then wear a long sweatshirt to cover the broken zipper. That would mean I'm lazy and I can't sew. It would also mean that Grammy is coming next week and she would love to fix the zipper.

I also did not laugh and snort toothpaste when Payton came back to me ten minutes later and said "Mom, I need to change my pants. I'm getting a breeze."

I did not make a wrong turn, turn around, and then stop at a red light on the WRONG side of the yellow line. Not me. Why would I stop in the lane of oncoming traffic that, thankfully, was not "oncoming" at that moment? I also did not think unkind thoughts toward the snotty lady who was "kind" enough to stop and yell at me. I promise. And I most definitely was not on my cell phone while all of this occurred. Not I.

I did not witness a grievous (in my opinion) grammar error on printed material in a store and then go back later with my camera so I could document said error and write a blog post about it. Surely that would be a waste of my time. And, after all, what's a little noun/pronoun disagreement between a few million friends??

I most definitely did not have to stifle a big laugh when I saw a woman purchasing three of the largest gold pears you have ever seen in your life. (That is, if you, in fact, have seen large, gold pears.) I didn't. I promise. You can ask Kari. But, seriously, how DOES one decorate with three VERY LARGE gold pears?? I'm talking 24 inches high. GOLD. SHINY. But I was not giggling. Not I.

And I most definitely did not witness a large pile of adult human.......errrr.....waste on the floor of a store last week. (Yes, you read that right. Waste. Poop. Feces--of the human kind.) That would mean I shop in unseemly parts of town, which I most certainly DO NOT.

Not me. Nope.

8 comments:

Monica said...

Okay, that traffic confession had me cracking up way, way, way too much!!!
(And it would NOT be because I have ever done anything like that!)

Marzola Happenings said...

i am still NOT laughing about the pears...nope, not I!

Jen said...

Hi Jen,

I've been reading your blog for awhile and haven't commented yet, although we do have many of the same "quirks" (although I don't get the "no milk" thing, especially with the caramel chocolate brownie things). I do have a question for you.

I am a registered Republican and was leaning toward McCain. However, I am truly scared about Sarah Palin becoming President should anything happen to McCain, and now I'm in limbo. What are your thoughts on Palin, if you don't mind my asking?

Jill said...

This was hilarious!

Denise Kay said...

Was the store a Walmart?? LOL!
I love to read your blog, Jen!

Steph said...

your life boring??? uh...no! so that last one...totally gross! but now you have to tell me where it was!

Jenni said...

Wow... poop on the floor and decorating with giant 24" pears.... all in the same post! Too funny! (and disgusting!)

Hummel Family said...

Oh no! I'm sure you can pick out errors on the Hummel Land, USA blog!!!!!! I catch myself all of the time and then I try to go back and correct and for some reason it still doesn't look right, so I just ignore it and move on! HA!

Maybe you should proof my posts before I push the "publish" button!

:) :) :)