Just Say "Hall-no-ween"

I'm seriously considering boycotting Halloween this year. I think I'll call it "Hall-no-ween" and be done with it.

No, I'm not suddenly convicted about the evilness/wickedness of Halloween. Never have been. I completely and totally respect your views if you feel this way--I'm quite certain you have very justified beliefs for doing so. Happy Trunk or Treat or Happy Harvest Party or whatever you do to "celebrate" the same day in a different way.

I guess in my maternal naivete that began just 17 short Halloweens ago, I naturally assumed that by the time my sweet babes were 17, 14, 12, and 10, the "shine" would have gone off the pumpkin, so to speak. Surely, they weren't STILL going to beg me to walk into that dreadful den of foil balloons and cheap gift bag trinkets, otherwise known as Party City, and spend an hour or two gawking at hideous, overpriced masks and flimsy french maid costumes. Why, by the time I was their age, I was LONG over Halloween and its silly traditions! (I can honestly say I have zero Halloween memories. None.)

Surely they wouldn't still expect me to traipse around in the dark, ringing the door bells of strangers who would most certainly agree that they are too old for Halloween, and then spend the next three weeks answering the question "Can I have a piece of Halloween candy?", always and inevitably asked 15 minutes (at the most) before the advent of the next meal.

So, a few weeks ago, when I began to hear rumblings of costumes, masks, etc., I willed them away, assuring myself I must be hearing wrong. I was able to keep them at bay until the past few days. Alas, I went down to the laundry/storage room and there it was. The clearly labeled "Halloween Costume" rubbermaid box (orange with a black lid, of course), strewn about on the floor, which was littered with a ghoulish mask and the remains of an afro wig, purchased on major clearance in a moment of even more major weakness on my part. Sigh.........

And, so it begins. The wails and moans. The heaving sighs and rolling eyes. "But I have NOTHING to wear for Halloween." "I was THAT three years ago. I can't be THAT again." "That is sooo stupid. I'm not doing THAT." Naturally, every cheap and easy idea that I have is dorky, stupid, and not worthy of a moment's consideration. But all of those glorious costumes at the aforementioned party store are the desirable, high-quality stuff of Halloween dreams.

I will readily admit I am NOT a party/holiday mom. I have already publicly apologized to my children for the years of therapy this will result in for them. I could probably plan and organize the heck out of someone else's party or holiday festivities but don't ask me to host my own. I was definitely absent the day God handed out the gift of hospitality! In fact, for the past few years, we have turned off our porch light and either left the house completely or hidden away watching television in the dark. I know. WE. ARE. AWFUL. (Just a heads' up: the light won't be on this year either, in case you were considering dropping by.)

Halloween actually used to be fun when the Ferbers were here and we could "socialize" all the way up and down their street while we giggled at the neighbors who were pulling a Radio Flyer wagon full of beer! But then the Ferbers left us, and now we are forced to "Halloween" on our own and it's just not the same. So.......I'm considering boycotting Halloween this year. We'll just have a quiet night at home, reading Leviticus and munching on celery and broccoli.

Now.......if I can just convince our resident witch, car accident victim, and hippie that boycotting CAN be fun..........