Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:
I pledge to follow these rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes this season:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not puff out between the straps.
I promise to either go polish-free or to keep my toenail fresh, intact, and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I promise I will sand down any mounds of callused skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I promise I will shave the mutant hairs off my big toe.
I promise I won't wear pantyhose with my sandals even if my misinformed girlfriend/ coworker/mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
I promise that if my sandal strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue, or tuck it back into place, hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or I will toss it.
I promise I will not live in "corn denial". I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet should need him.
I promise I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me when I fall.
I promise will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and start to resemble Vienna sausages.
If I have been privy to the magic that is Kerasol, I promise to share that knowledge and experience with the uninformed.
I promise to be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. After all, someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers, and no sandal on earth can make creepy feet look good.
I promise that if I wear flip flops, they will actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking, and I swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I promise to go my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure. (They are about $10 and worth EVERY penny.)
I promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear....nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
Now you're sworn in girls. Go forth with beautiful summer feet!
with some edits by me