"98" she replied, "two years older than me." "
"So you're 96?" the undertaker asked.
"Hardly worth going home, is it?" she responded.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"What do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
She simply replied, "No peer pressure!"
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind and can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine. I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia and poor circulation; I hardly feel my hands and feet anymore and can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I've lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
THE SENILITY PRAYER
God, grant me the senility to forget the
people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.