Do you prefer bottom sand, bottom ash, or bottom soot??

So as not to offend the "delicate sensibilities" of some of my readers---and also so I don't freak my mom out; she still thinks I don't use THAT word--- I have changed the punchline of the joke below.

It really is hilarious though! Enjoy!!

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her high little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?" ( or bottom sand or bottom ash or bottom soot, if those (terrible) replacements are more appealing to you.)

A matter of pronounciation

Payton's brain is still vacationing on that sunny, tropical island. How do I know this for sure? Read on.......

It is VERY windy in Maryland today. Thinking of my upcoming trip, Payton asked me if it was windy in Chicago? "Yes" I replied. "That's why it's called the 'Windy City'."

"OHHHH" replied Payton. "I thought it was the whine-dy city, like it had lots of curvy streets and roads."

Glad I could clear that up for him.

In other news.........

Come on LOST writers! I thought we were done with the polar bears. I wish they'd kill Locke off. I much prefer the Jin and Sun storyline myself.

And I don't know what you think, but Claire's baby sure looks a lot older than 65 or so days to me!!

"Operation Contact Lens" is not going as smoothly as I'd hoped. The eye doctor assures me that I have to give it a few days but I'm really skeptical so far. I welcome any words of advice or encouragement.

Sigh.......

Say again???

We love Payton. Really, we do. He is charming, delightful, and intelligent. Most of the time. But there are times when we wonder if he has sent his brain on vacation to some sunny, tropical island and is attempting to function without it. Like tonight, for instance.

He had just come in from playing outside and was lounging comfortably in the chair in our bedroom, reading a magazine. When I walked in and noticed that he was dripping sweat, I told him to hit the shower immediately. Uncharacteristically, he didn't protest, which struck me as odd. But imagine my shock when I heard him say "Yeah, I better get a shower since there's dog dirt on the back of my shirt."

Hope that brain is having a great time!

Unfounded Claims

I survived! And quite nicely, I might add. The "teacher" actually said I was an excellent student, thank you very much! I got the hang of the foreign object insertion pretty quickly, nevermind that those little buggers are slippery and I was on my hands and knees on the eye doctor's floor searching for my new contact lens at one rather embarrassing point in the process.

I wore the first trial pair for about two hours and those were definitely NOT cutting it. The blurriness that was supposed to disappear after 15-30 minutes persisted long beyond that, which is never a good thing when you have to drive the outer and inner loops around Baltimore (note above picture). I finally had to give in and return to my glasses so I could see to get my work done and drive. When I got home, I tried the second trial pair and they were MUCH better. Not nearly as blurry, but still not quite right, which I guess isn't unusual. So I will call the "teacher" tomorrow and see if she can mess with the prescription a bit.

Overall, I'm very pleased. And happy to report that I didn't experience any of the catastrophes about which I was so lovingly warned. I am certain that once we get the prescription just right, we will all be happy, and I'm looking forward to a long and satisifying relationship with my new soft contact lenses!

Horror Stories

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I have finally (or at least I hope I have) conquered my fear of placing a foreign object onto my eyeball, and I will be getting contact lenses. I can't wait!

I've worn glasses full time for four years and up until about six months ago, I swore that I would never, could never wear contact lenses. I'm not exactly sure what changed my mind, except that I've decided I'm tired of wearing glasses, and Jeff is tired of his dorky wife wearing a pair of sunglasses over her "real" glasses because she's too cheap to buy prescription sunglasses. So..........I've been counting the days until my "Gotcha Day"--of course, my gotcha is for my contact lenses and definitely NOT another child!

Tomorrow morning is my "contact lens teaching" appointment. I'll update you on that tomorrow night. But, for now, I have to say that I have found out getting contact lenses is quite a bit like being pregnant: it brings horror stories out of the woodwork. You would not believe all the horrible, awful, downright terrible contact lens experiences I have heard about in the past two weeks. Everything from "I had headaches ALL the time." to "Don't rub your eyes or the lens will slide up under your eyelid." Good grief!! I'm having nightmares of thick-eyeglassed people sitting around at Lens Crafters, swapping contact lens horror stories and trying to "one-up" each other with exclamations of "that's nothing, when I got my lenses........blah, blah, blah."

Jeff says to tell everyone that I don't need anyone to be pessimistic for me. I can handle that very well on my own, thank you. But, this time, I refuse to let them steal my joy! I am sooo excited to be done with my glasses. If these contacts don't work, I think I'll call the lasik vision doctor. I can just imagine THOSE horror stories!!

Scream Therapy

I heard this morning that today is "International Moment of Frustration Scream Day". Sounds good to me! Care to join me?? Okay, ready .......... set........... SCREAM!!!!! Ah, that felt good, didn't it??

And in honor of "Moment of Frustration" day, God saw fit to give me a great reason to be frustrated. This afternoon, I took Sydney to the dentist for her routine check-up and found out that not only does she not have any adult eye teeth, but she also has quite a few teeth that are "trapped." (Yes, it's exactly what you're thinking. This was just a nice way of saying "She could need quite a few teeth pulled." while Sydney was standing right there.)

"Call the loan company........err, I mean the orthodontist as soon as possible." said the nice dentist with dollar signs for pupils.

So I am taking full advantage of International Moment of Frustration Scream Day. Now if my frustration could truly last for just a "moment"!

Doing the happy dance!!!!!!!

We are doing the happy dance at our house!! Those of you who read the blog regularly will remember my post about Sydney's "history" class that's really a geography class. It is one tough class and has been the cause of MANY long hours of study and review, never mind the blood, sweat, and tears.

Well, Sydney had a test last Friday, and yesterday she found out she got a 94 percent!! Wooo hoooo!!! Go Sydney! All your hard work has paid off!! We are very proud of you!!!

When dad's away............

...........there's NO time to play, and mom goes NUTS!! Jeff has been gone since Sunday to a worship conference near Pittsburgh, PA. While I am thankful that he had the opportunity to go, and I know he had a great time, I'm also thankful that I'm not a single mom! I don't know how single parents do it! My hat's off to you!

Since Sunday afternoon, when Jeff left, my life has included the following: searching to the ends of the earth (with the help of a dear friend) to find a babysitter for the younger kids so I could enjoy our Home Group ladies' night and Brooke could attend youth group; collecting and taking out the weekly trash and recycleables (with Payton's help! He takes his role as "acting man of the house" very seriously when Jeff is gone!); researching giant waterbugs for a fourth grade science report; tracking down twenty pictures for Sawyer's "I am special!" report; chasing down library books for a report on the bubonic plague; supervising and overseeing a video project for Brooke's French 2 class; yawning through a pee wee baseball practice (do you know how MANY pitches they give those poor kids?); dealing with a long and lovely (not!) outburst of teenage attitude and rebellion; running one kid to piano and another to drama team practice; trying to help Sydney with her math homework and finally giving up and asking Payton for help (this would be one good reason we do NOT homeschool our children!); taking deep breaths when Sydney (11) informed me that yes, she had indeed shaved her legs for the very first time; and last but not least, dealing with the exterminator because we seem to have some pesky critters that like our house almost as much as we do!

Throw in one day off school with all four kids at home (Columbus Day), nine loads of laundry, grocery shopping, school carpooling, crying children who miss their dad (probably because mom is beginning to act like something out of a horror movie!), and of course, work, and it's been a "JIM-DANDY" three days!

However, there are two very important "up sides" to having Jeff gone. First, the nutrition factor around here takes a serious nosedive. While Jeff is hardly a picky eater, he does like to have a decent meal every night. So, when he's not here, we take advantage of that fact: last night was KFC and tonight was subs and lunchables (there goes my "mom of the year" award again!) Secondly, I get the remote control all to myself, which basically means I haven't watched the NFL Network at all!

All this to say-I am so thankful for my wonderful and very helpful husband. I am blessed to have Jeff, who is always willing to rearrange his schedule, help with homework, comb hair, fix dinner, whatever! Of course, all this is preferable to hauling the children to visit me at the local looney bin!

So, while I will be so happy to see Jeff tonight so he can help with homework, deal with bugs, and share in the never-ending discipline, I will be most happy to have someone to keep me warm in bed! We love you Jeff!

Tooting my own horn.......

I subscribe to John Rosemond's website and each day, they post a quote of the day. Today's had me nodding my head and clapping in agreement:

A child's bedtime is not for the child's sake. Parents who understand this put children to bed not because those children supposedly "need their sleep," but because they, the parents, need for them to sleep.

Now, I did lots of things wrong when my children were smaller, but one thing I did and did RIGHT was bedtime! My kids have always been and still are "early-to-bedders." Now, until very recently, they were also early risers but I decided I had to pick my poison. Do I want some free time in the evenings or in the mornings? I settled on the evenings because I'm usually up with Jeff anyway, so why not make it a family affair?

I am very proud to say that, as babies, every one of my children was regularly sleeping twelve hours a night by nine weeks of age (three of the four made it earlier than that). And, yes, they were all breastfed exclusively. I think that's quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself.

I always have to giggle at people who have "nighttime rituals" that literally last an hour before their children are finally quiet and drifting off to sleep. I guess I'm a mean mom--we never read stories to our kids or have long meaningful discussions or pray for all the missionaries--at bedtime. When it's time for bed, it's time for BED--and that means SLEEP! See you in the morning! Never once has a sick child spent the night in my bed--very occasionally on the floor of our room, but that's only if drastic measures are called for.

I'm sure some of my friends, who may or may not be having bedtime troubles themselves, think I'm cruel and heartless when I say "Put them in bed, kiss them goodnight, and punish them if they get up!" I love my children dearly, and I am the first to admit they are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but they ARE good sleepers. Like I said, one thing I did right!

For sure, they whine and fuss sometimes and we occasionally hear "ALL my friends get to stay up until [insert some ungodly hour]!" But I just smile and kiss them goodnight as I'm whispering under my breath "I know you might not NEED to go to bed, but I NEED you to go to bed!"

Sleep tight!

"Lost"

Ok, I admit it. We are huge "Lost" fans at our house. When the show began two years ago, after much hype and hysteria, I watched only briefly--just until the polar bear killed the pilot. How stupid can you get? A polar bear on a tropical island?? But then last summer, when we were desperate for a show that wasn't all reruns, we started watching again, and we were hooked almost immediately!

So, last night, as we tuned in for the season premiere (which happened four weeks after the "season" actually started, but that's a whole 'nother post!), we were hoping for resolution and some answers. But, alas, as "Lost" fans have come to expect, no resolution or answers were forthcoming. And what they did show us was so confusing, my brain hurt by the time the show was over. Hello??!?! We knew they weren't going to kill Jack and Kate--tell us what happened to Charlie and Locke and Hurley!! Yet, I have a sinking feeling that it's going to be a long time before we find out.

Of course, we'll keep watching. But right now, I'm "loster" than those people on that island!

Off to check out some blogs and see if I can figure out what's going on.

Recipe Wednesday

I have neglected to post a recipe for a few weeks, so I decided today was a good time to catch up. Fall is my absolute favorite season, and this is one of my favorite recipes. It's easy and yummy and, best of all, this recipe makes two loaves, so you can keep one and share one with a friend or neighbor! Enjoy!

Pumpkin Bread

2 cups canned pumpkin (1, 15-ounce can of Libby's pumpkin does the trick!)
3 cups sugar
1 cup water
1 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs
3 1/2 cups flour
2 tspns. baking soda
2 tspns. cinnamon
1 tspn. salt
1 tspn. baking powder
1/2 tspn. nutmeg, optional
3/4 tspn. ground cloves, optional

In large bowl, combine the first five ingredients. Beat until well mixed. Measure and mix the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the pumpkin mixture, beating until smooth.

Grease two large loaf pans and dust with flour. (Don't skip the flouring!) Pour batter into each pan evenly. Bake at 350 degrees for 60-70 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

Never a dull moment

Sunday afternoon, as I was preparing to leave for home group, Sawyer ran into the house, holding his finger and screaming that he had been stung by a "yellow and black bee". This was the fourth sting for him this summer so, Clara Barton that I am, I quickly gave him some ice and sent him back to the trampoline!

When he woke up yesterday morning, his finger was quite swollen and red, but it didn't look that bad to me. I didn't want to give him benadryl and have him fall asleep in school, so I gave him some Tylenol and sent him on his way. Later yesterday morning, as I was talking to Jeff, he suggested that I call the pediatrician. I resisted, saying "They aren't going to do anything but tell me to give him benadryl. I was stung ALL the time when I was a kid, and I swelled up like a puffer fish, right at the site of the sting. It was no big deal." (Never mind that the last time I was stung on the back of the leg, I had two grapefruits on my neck within hours! That led to nine years of very painful allergy shots!)

Well, I gave in and called, just to speak to the nurse. Sure enough, I'm NO Clara Barton. "Yes, Mrs. VeStrand, you should have given him that benadryl, and we need to see him this afternoon." Duly reprimanded, I made the appointment and went on to work. About five minutes before I was to leave work, my cell phone rang. I recognized the school nurse's phone number and said "Hello, who is sick?" Peggy laughed and said "No one is sick but I have Sawyer here and his whole hand is red and swollen. I think you need to come and take him to the pediatrician." Thankfully, I was ahead of her on that one (or Jeff was!) and sure enough, when I got to school, Sawyer's finger looked like a Vienna sausage and his knuckles were a thing of the past! (I really tried to take a picture but Sawyer protested loudly, saying "Mom, it's embarrassing, and you will put it on the blog!" My reputation precedes me!)

Anyway, the doctor wasn't too concerned. Thankfully, Sawyer's breathing was good and the reaction did indeed seem to be just a "local" thing. He gave Sawyer some prednisone for three days to reduce the swelling and said to keep (start!) giving him the benadryl. Sawyer was happy as a clam! He got to stay home from school today--he couldn't hold a pencil even if he wanted to--and he and daddy were finally able to go out for Sawyer's birthday lunch. Better late than never!

Tonight his finger and hand are starting to look better. So tomorrow it's back to the grind. And, it's not even Tuesday or Friday, so he probably won't learn anything anyway!

Like I said, never a dull moment!

More good times......

Once again, we were privileged to spend some time with great friends! Kim is my dearest friend from Cedarville and before "life" got so crazy, we were so good about keeping in touch regularly, visiting often, etc. We even spent two wonderful Christmases with the Thomsons when we couldn't travel all the way to family for the holidays.

The Thomsons are visiting DC this week and made a special point to come visit and spend the evening with us last night. We had a great time catching up, and even the kids, who haven't seen each other in five years, became fast friends. When the Thomsons pulled out of our driveway, Payton said "Mom, I wish they lived next door!'

We had a great time, but it was bittersweet too. I realized how much I miss my friend, and I am sad that our kids won't ever be as close as we had dreamed when they were babies. I also resolved to be better about keeping in touch, and we already have a "girls' weekend" planned for my birthday next year.

Once again, I am reminded how blessed we are to have great friendships that have stood the test of time and distance. God is good!

Our progeny--as we were coralling the kids for this picture, we wondered aloud how this happened! (Of course we know "how" it happened, but you know what I mean!) This is the whole gang, except for two-year old Lauren, who is enjoying some time with Gramma and Grandpa Renshaw.

The VeStrands and the Thomsons, 19 years after our friendship began.